Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column dedicated to the lighter facet of politics.

On the time of writing, the British monarchy has collapsed, palaces and crowns are being marketed on the market on Fb Market (with the proceeds going to assist the bankrupt Scottish fishing business) and household royale is in search of work and new locations to dwell.

There’ll little question be a couple of kilos left over to purchase Liz and Phil, in addition to Charles, good homes (possibly even three bedrooms every and an en-suite toilet), Anne and Edward can transfer right into a semi-detached collectively, and Andrew can reside. a lot to her mom’s enjoyment of Wandsworth.

However now that the Windsor home has been dismantled by the “The Boys and Ladies Information to Getting Down” star, what’s going to they do to make some additional money?

Worry not, Nigel Farage, one other divisive Briton with questionable attitudes in direction of foreigners, might need the reply. Farage this month resigned as head of Reform UK, the rebranded Brexit Celebration, to spend extra time standing on the seashores of Kent exhibiting boats filled with migrants.

He additionally picks up the cash after becoming a member of Cameo (the weird video-sharing platform, not the funk hitmakers of the Eighties).

Sure, for simply € 82 (or £ 63 in the event you want – talking of who, who’s going to be on the cash now that the Royal Household is completed? Adele? Mr. Bean? Rishi Sunak?), You may ask Farage to report a private message “for Mom’s Day, an anniversary, a marriage, to shock somebody.” However I promise you, I will point out Brexit, I will point out Trump. The proper reward for somebody you despise.

European politicians have been gradual to get into personalised messaging regulation, however there are a variety of (former) huge American names on the identical web site: ex-Alaska Governor Sarah “Now we have to stay alongside our North Korean allies ”Palin will message you for € 163 (and for a similar quantity you may get former Trump spokesman Sean Spicer); and the ephemeral White Home communications director, Anthony Scaramucci, fees simply € 45 per message.

EU figures are actually missing right here. Think about paying, say, € 200 for Ursula von der Leyen to say “Joyful Birthday, I triggered Article 16” (that may even be the one method for non-German media to speak to her); or handing over € 150 to hurl insults on the EU with a Russian accent whereas international coverage chief Josep Borrell sits there smiling.

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“Welcome to the primary assembly of the Govt Board of the Convention on the Way forward for Europe.”

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Final week we gave you this picture:

Thanks for all of the enter. Here is the perfect of our mailbag (there is not any prize other than the reward of laughter, which I believe we will all agree is much extra helpful than cash or booze).

“Properly I nonetheless have equality and brotherhood”, by Tom Morgan

Paul Dallison is POLITICOslots information editor.